Once upon a time I pretended to be a princess and I had my own castle, everyone would obey me and now that bubble has burst since I grew up and realized that people have something called “expectations” in life.
As a person I had the illumination that expectations change as I age. What I noticed is that girls are expected to behave in a certain manner, sit in a particular way, laugh politely, be the affective and nurturing individual and face the pressure of marriage, while different things are expected from boys, they are idealized to be the strong ones in the family, the bread winners, the providers and the earners of the family, while girls get the comments “ don’t act like a boy” or “ behave like a girl” boys are told “boys don’t cry” or “ stop crying like a girl.
Society’s perspective, and then ideal self and real self. Maladaptive and crazy.
The expectations that society imposes on us eventually transform into self-imposed expectations. The standards that we must meet for our self-worth assessment become our personal standards, even though those standards had never been our actual aspirations.
When I was little, I used to think that life was all about make-believe and playing pretend. I was the princess, and I owned a castle. Everyone obeyed me, but as I grew up, that bubble of comfort burst, and laid out in front of me was a long list of expectations.
Society has some expectations from an individual which may sometimes seem vague or esoteric, at times unfair even. As a member of society, many things are anticipated from me.
I have analysed that as a girl, different things are presumed: being in charge of the family, learning how to cook, dressing like a girl, never being tired, and willingly doing household work. While comparatively different things are wanted from boys, like being in charge of the family decisions, earning and providing for the family, etc.
To many people, these predictions appear customary, but they often create unjustified constraints in the modern era. Gender seems to play a more significant role compared to one’s talents or preferences. Gender stereotypes are harmful as they restrain an individual from “spreading our legs farther than what our blanket can cover”, or simply put, dreaming too big, or wanting to achieve something that is supposedly out of our “ capabilities”. A girl choosing her career over marriage or a boy choosing to go to culinary school rather than getting an MBA are judged for their choices. This limits an individual’s freedom and confidence, making them conform to people pleasing more than being satisfied with their life choices.
Skills like earning money, cooking, leadership, and caring for family are basic life skills, not responsibilities assigned to one gender. Dividing them based on outdated ideas only creates unnecessary pressure and inequality.
The current thinking patterns of people require a different approach to their complete transformation. People need to reprogram their minds because they must investigate their unexamined beliefs. Our decision-making processes need examination to confirm whether our behavior results from genuine desires or from social obligation. People associate success with obedience because they think that winning others’ approval shows their accomplishment. Success in life needs people to develop their own definition of happiness instead of following what others consider happiness.
The reprogramming process starts when we understand things. We make a change when we see that some of our beliefs come from others, not from our choices. We should think “Why not me?” of “This is not possible for someone like me”. This small change in thinking gives us a lot of confidence. It shows that we first limit ourselves in our minds, and then we feel like we can’t do things because of real-life limits. We create barriers and then experience them as physical limitations.
Reprogramming is not about changing the way you think; it is also about learning to tell the difference between discipline and pressure. We are often taught to do things because we are afraid of what might happen if we do not. For instance, we are afraid of failing, we are afraid of what other people will think. We are afraid of letting people down.
Doing something just because we are afraid is not going to help us do our best. We do our best when we are doing something because we really want to, because we believe in ourselves.
People often think that peak performance means being perfect, but that is not what it means at all. Peak performance is about being the person you can be; it is about reaching your potential.
It means finding what you are good at and what makes you happy, not trying to be what someone else thinks you should be. For example, one person might find that being a doctor is what makes them happy, while another person might find that being an artist, a chef, or a writer is what they love.
What matters is not what you do. Why do you do it, and is it really what you want? Sometimes people compare their lives to other people’s lives, and that makes them feel unhappy.
We are taught that there is one way to be successful: you have to study things, you have to have a certain job, you have to get married at a certain time, and you have to behave in a certain way. That is just not true. What makes someone successful is not what they do. How they feel about what they do.
Peak performance happens when people can do what they really want to do, what they value, not what other people think they should do.
Reprogramming and peak performance are about finding what you really want and going for it. This is what reprogramming is about. This is what peak performance is all about: finding what you really want and going for it.
In our lives, we can see the expectation effect happening. Students often pick subjects they do not really like because these subjects are thought to be safe or respectable. Many people stay quiet when they should speak up because they are afraid of what others will think of them. Over time, people may build lives that look great from the outside but feel empty from the inside because they care more about what others think than what the expectation effect. They themselves want.
It takes a lot of courage to break free from the expectation effect. You have to accept that not everyone will understand what you do, and that just because people approve of you, it does not mean you are doing the thing for yourself and the expectation effect. Sometimes choosing what you want may disappoint others, so you have to go against the expectation effect. It is necessary if you want to be really happy and live a life that’s true to yourself and not just follow the expectation effect.
The expectation effect is not always bad. The expectation effect can help you be more disciplined and ambitious. The expectation effect becomes a problem when it stops you from doing things that help you. Good expectations push you to do things, while bad ones limit what you can do, and this is especially true for the expectation effect.
We need to learn which expectations to keep and which to let go of, including the expectation effect. Really changing yourself is not about saying no to society. About not letting society decide how good you are and how you should deal with the expectation effect. Doing your best is about becoming the person you want to be, not the person others think you should be, and this means being in control of the expectation effect.
In the end, being successful is about living a life that feels right for you, even if it’s not what others thought you would do, and being able to manage the expectation effect.